Fat Girl at Dunkin Donuts: An Intuitive Eating Perspective

"Tomorrow, I'm going to enjoy play food for what it is."

A couple weeks ago, I saw an event posting for the opening of a new Dunkin Donuts franchise. I'm always on the lookout for fun, local, social activities, so I RSVP'd yes!

And then I had to deal with these thoughts:

People are going to make fun of me for being fat.

People are going to think I'm fat because I ate too many donuts.

People are going to think I don't care about healthy eating.

People are gonna take pictures of me and make fun of them.

I better dress up so at least they don't think I'm lazy.

I'm grateful that at least now my negative thoughts about my size are mostly about how I'm perceived by others. It sucks, but at least it's better than actually believing those things about myself, that I'm unhealthy or lazy or unworthy of belonging because of my size.

Well, no one in line made judgmental glances. No one made negative comments. Actually, I chatted the whole time with two women in line about normal-people things (any-size-people things) like weather, traffic, careers, places we've lived, pets, and of course, which flavor of donut we wanted to try. And I realized something, no one goes to a donut shop opening unless they appreciate play food.

What is play food? According to Intuitive Eating, it's food that has little nutritional value, but is enjoyable to eat. It is morally neutral, meaning it's not good or evil. It's not even "healthy" or "unhealthy." The idea is that once you're tuned in with your body's cues to hunger, fullness, and energy, you'll naturally eat the types and amounts of food that are best for you.

I was content with my one donut and small hot chocolate, genuinely content, because I knew I could choose to eat a second or a dozen without internal shame. It did feel playful, fun, indulgent in a good way. I wasn't thinking about how to burn off those calories later. It was pure gratitude:

These flavors, textures, and smells are pleasant.

Active businesses are great for our city.

I could be friends with these women I met in line.

It's fun how many people came out for this. I'm glad I'm a part of it.

I am good enough to be a part of whatever I want to be a part of.

Part of me knows it was luck that there weren't any bullies out that day. Or well-meaning "fitness" advocates. I also know that happiness comes from within. I hope I can build up enough self-love and gratitude to stop fearing the disapproving glance once and for all.

~

I'm not affiliated with Dunkin Donuts. It just happened to be the perfect setting for this message so I didn't bother changing the name.

To read more about Intuitive Eating, check out the book by Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch (Amazon Affiliate link).

Today's curated art prints are "Fruity Donuts" and "Donuts in Balloons" by Ivy Niu. There are 41 pages of donut-related prints on society6, if you can believe it. Ivy Niu's stood out to me as charming, imaginative, and meaningful. They make me smile.

Slipping Into Depression: It's OK

"Tomorrow, I'm going to intercept my depression."

Last week I had so many ideas for what to write about: home stuff, art stuff, branding stuff. But over the week icky things kept happening, from getting stood up, to my mom spending a day in the ER.

Now I'm in that place where it's hard to focus when people talk and I have to search my brain for correct social responses, instead of responding authentically. I'm not engaged with much around me. It makes writing difficult. (And eating. And basic hygiene. And getting out of bed.)

I googled "what to do when you feel yourself slipping into depression." As usual, WebMD was the top result and its message upset me. Depressed people isolate themselves, so go be more social? That's called circular logic, WebMD. You try feeling as exhausted as I was spending time with friends yesterday and tell me how social you feel the next day.

I loved, however, TinyBuddha's article on 20 Thoughts to Help Relieve Anxiety and Depression. The author advises us to write a list of reasons why we shouldn't feel bad. It's just like my own article Why Am I Cranky.

Today's curated art prints are "cease 2" and "thirsting plant" by Buddhaweather.

Yes, I knew what to do all along. I have to break down the big, messy numbness into legitimate causes-and-effects. Why does it work? Because there is nothing wrong with my brain chemistry. The fog I feel is my mind trying to protect me when it seems like the problems outweigh the resources to cope with those problems.

So, what are the problems? What makes them okay? That TinyBuddha article has great examples of why the bad is not so bad.

I can work on forgiveness. I can work on acceptance. I can cultivate daily mindfulness.

I am not in the dark.

Big Girls Don't Cry: How to Comfort a Crying Friend

"Tomorrow, my friend won't cry."

I'm for living in the moment as much as possible, and I've found that one way to do that is to imagine a future time when your problems don't exist. It's not a goal. It's not pretend. It's acceptance: This thing that sucks right now, it's okay. It's just for now.

Art Prints curated from Society6

One way I've applied this philosophy is in working with toddlers. There's a trick that helps when they're being naughty where you say, "That's okay. When you're 4 you won't color on the walls anymore." Often, the child's desire to be 4 is enough to get them to stop coloring on the walls.

I immediately thought of that when I cried on the phone to Katie yesterday and she said, "That's okay. It's okay to be scared today. Tomorrow, you'll wake up and you'll feel totally refreshed." I had gotten calls from three separate student loan lenders in a row, and by the third call, I threw up my hands and huffed at them to just email me. (It’s very awkward to attempt politeness while huffing, btw.)

I stayed at a high anxiety level all day. I got stuck in Studio City because every time I tried to drive, I'd start crying again. But I had Katie's promise in my head, "Tomorrow's a new day."

I felt great when I woke up this morning, and I attribute it largely to the power of suggestion.

How to Do It Wrong:

1. Apply an unrealistic or shaming timeline for the scope of the problem.

For Toddler: "Big girls pee in the potty. I guess you're still a baby." It’s essentially the same thing as my earlier example, but the language of it is more like, “You should be better RIGHT NOW, you loser.”

For Friend: “Don’t worry, your crippling depression will be all gone in the morning.”

2. Throw cliches at them without addressing the problem.

Calls that it was time to pay back student loans upset me enough to make me cry partly because I had a horrible college experience. Other friends I talked to jumped right to the “Let it go. It’s part of who you are” sayings, and it just made me hate myself. Katie was like, “Yeah, that’s gonna suck to have that reminder every month, but it’s not forever.” Then she gave me advice about loan consolidation. THEN she said the bit about “Tomorrow’s a new day,” when I was ready to hear it.

I don’t cry often. I definitely don’t cry to friends often. But I’m glad I did, because I do feel better. I intend to pay it forward. Much sooner than I'll pay off my student loans.

To-Do List Friends: A Best Friend Typology

"Tomorrow, I'm going to appreciate my To-Do List Friends, and find more of 'em."

Berdine would be a good To-Do List Friend, but
I'm not sure Florence could reciprocate. Amazon Link.

I miss having friends to hang out in sweatpants and watch campy movies with. I miss that every Saturday, when Skype-watching Game of Thrones with my brothers doesn't cut it. (That's when you queue to the the same timestamp and count down to push play.) Game of Thrones isn't nearly campy enough, for one thing. I want Psycho Beach Party or Cheerleader Massacre campy!

But lately, as I become more ambitious with my personal and career goals, I find myself missing something else: The To-Do List Friend. The kind who doubles as sweatpants friend, so you know you can trust them to see your dirty laundry. I've had a few.

How I know someone's a To-Do List Friend:

• I would invite them on a trip to Home Depot.

• I would help them move, paint a room, or Spring Clean.

• We would make plans to check things off my to-do list and then do theirs the next day.

• They would make chores feel like just hanging out.

This must be why people get married. There's always someone around to watch movies with or help you get stuff done. Well, I'm not really "there." I don't know about all that. All I know is, when I try to do everything alone, it goes much slower.

I also know it's possible to rely on others too much. I've learned a lot about independence by moving 1,000 miles away. I'm getting better at spreading out all the little tasks so the task list doesn't get so long. And that's part of maturing, too.

But the list is always there, and humans are social creatures. I have my meetup groups, my grandparents, and a few friends I'm growing closer to all the time--I'm not alone here. I just have to keep building those relationships, being open to new experiences, and giving with my whole heart. 

Sometimes lists are fun!

This post reminds me of the time Kat told me she hit it off with someone at work. I threw my arms up and said, "You made a friend!" And she threw her arms up and said, "I made a work friend!" I thought it was funny that she specified "work" friend. I guess shouting "I made a friend!" in public could make a person seem a bit...overeager.

I don't care. It's hard to make friends as an adult. Maybe we should shout more.


Buddy the Elf image source: http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/3rb9nl/

Under Sink Shelves: No More Heave and Slam

"Tomorrow, I'm going to organize the cabinet under my bathroom sink."

I wish I took a Before picture so you could see how much better this is.

One of the tasks on my Spring Cleaning May to-do list was to organize my bathroom. My aunt had given me a big bag of shampoos, lotions, and pads from when she decluttered her own bathroom. I shoved it under my sink and forgot about it. So that took up a quarter of the space, and the rest of the mess was those boxes, all separated from their lids and stacked halfway inside each other.

I started my organization project by removing everything.

Then I assembled the Made Smart Under Sink Shelf (affiliate link). The parts include: four metal rods, two plastic stands, eight plastic screw caps to secure the rods to the stands, and ten plastic shelves. I like that it expands to fit the length of cabinet, I can adjust the shelf height, and the individual shelves slide to make room for the plumbing. Some Amazon reviews said it was flimsy, but it's sturdy enough for my purposes.

The only downside I see is that it's plastic, which, unless we're talking Kevlar bulletproof vests, isn't my favorite material, but I knew that when I bought it. It was toward the low-end of the price range for this type of product at $28.07. So that works for me and my budget.

Once that was set up I put stuff back. Here's how I categorized the boxes:

1. Vintage hair curlers from my great-grandma

2. Bath Stuff

3. Feminine Hygiene Products

4. Mani/Pedi Supplies

5. Travel Toiletries and Cases

Maybe for the next Spring Cleaning I'll get rid of half that stuff and have more room to stock up on tissues, tampons, and TP. And then for whatever I keep, I can get some vintage tins. I love those things.

You'll notice I also have a Command hook (affiliate link) on the inside of the cabinet door for my curling iron. I had one on the other door for my hair dryer, but it fell down after a couple months. Command hooks don't seem to like textured surfaces. I'll probably put it back up for another couple months though. It is a handy spot for the hair dryer, and I can't install anything permanent because I'm a renter.

Overall, I'm happy with the new shelves. My toiletries are much more accessible now.

I am an Amazon affiliate – that means when you use the links in my post I get a commission on all referred sales. That said, I promise to link to products and promotions I believe in.