SDD Clutter Free Day 3: Why We Don't Skip a Day

Day 3 of the So Damn Domestic Clutter Free Challenge, and the goal today is to declutter 28 items, and reflect on why it's important not to skip a day. I love the way yesterday's prompt about what we gain by decluttering tied in so well with the Smart and Simple Matters episode I'd just heard. Today's prompt ties in perfectly with something else I just heard. A friend of mine shared the quote, "Do something every day for no other reason, than you would rather not do it at all."

The value of discipline is we get some amazing end result and develop confidence and habits. I'm wary of the word "discipline" because in some contexts it's a synonym for punishment. Besides that, if something takes discipline to accomplish, often it's because we don't really value that thing. It's somebody else's idea of what we should be doing. It's forced.

I've learned, though, with emotions, relationships, and learning new skills, that being uncomfortable is necessary for progress. Why not apply that same philosophy to the task list? There are things on my To-Do List that have been there for months. Some things have been on there since I moved a year ago! Why? There's something uncomfortable about them. Maybe chores and errands aren't as scary as confronting the emotions from a trauma, or confronting a friend who said something hurtful, but vulnerability is still at play.

Fear of physical pain: "I want to sort the tool box, but it hurts my back to stand at the work bench that long."
Fear of emotional pain: "I want to sort my pile of letters, but I know there's some sad ones in there."
Fear of the unknown: "I don't even know where to start with that photo box!"

Or maybe we fear a task will take too much time, and we're busy. But how true can that be? Even the most obnoxious tasks (think: anything at the DMV) is going to take a couple hours at the most, and any tasks at home can be broken into smaller parts.

Whatever the fear is, sit with it. Find the source, so you can work through it, and get that checkmark on the page! It's amazing how many big life lessons apply to little things too. Not to belittle the To-Do List. It does have a power to it.

So that's why I'm not going to skip a day: I am not afraid to face my fears.

Day 3, Declutter 28 Items

1. Bird feeders. I bought these when I had a balcony, but moved shortly after to a place with no

outdoor space. Since they're unused, I think they'd make a great gift for my mom, who loves her yard and loves birds.
2-4. Tarot and palmology books. These can be really fun. (No offense to people who take them seriously.) But they fail the "Have I used this in a year?" (And probably 2 and 3 years) test, so I think it's someone else's turn to enjoy them.
5, 6. Old slippers. I was going to line up all my purple slippers for a header bar picture when the blog was called The Purple Slippers. Alas, it no longer is, and I procrastinated way too long doing that anyway.
7, 8. Heels that fail the "Can I comfortably stand in these for 2 minutes?" test.
9. Broken thermometer.
10. Bag of pins. Might take out one or two to put on my the love board I want to make, but it's unlikely.
11. Stewie keychain. Maybe if they'd stopped the show at Season 2, I'd still like this character.
12. Plastic cat. I feel bad because I think something sweet and sentimental happened when I was given this cat, like it was a treasured toy of a child I babysat and they gave it to me to protect it. I don't know. But sadly if I can't remember, it's not valuable anymore.
13. Bear in kimono puppet. I made this in fifth grade when we studied Japanese culture. The teacher was amazing, and I kept the puppet to remember the lessons. I plan to write about the memories it brings up and save a picture.
14. Under bed shoe storage bag. It's best for people who have different shoes each season, or a reason to store 12 pairs of shoes for a long period of time. It's not practical for shoes in regular rotation.
15. Sock pair with holes.

16-19. Inserts and socks there's only one of.
20. Bead necklace from fifth grade camp. Again, I plan to write about it and save a picture.
21, 22. Purses. Seeing them more as balls-and-chains these days.
23. Too small leggings.
24. Too small pajama shorts.
25. Couch arm storage. It drapes over a couch arm and has a flat top and pockets. Decent if you don't have space for a side table, but didn't work for me. (Kept falling off.)
26. Stack of papers.
27. Game Informer magazine. I can't tell you how this came into my possession, but let's just say we had an annoying neighbor and a streak for vengeance.
28. Bra with pokey wire.

In keeping with today's reflection on not skipping a day, I knew I would be busy today, so I picked out most of the items last night. That way all I had to do for this task today was take the picture and write this post. Tomorrow...maybe kitchen stuff? Dresser drawers? Can't wait to find out!

Better Life Meditation with Lynn Le: A Night of Coping Lessons

"Tomorrow, I'm going to practice new coping skills through meditation."

A week ago Friday, I sat on my couch as the sun set, not bothering to adjust the lights. My day had gone as planned: wakeup routine (including the laundry AND the stretching parts!), 750words daily challenge, healing writing project, work hours--all good.

Yet I felt unsettled. Anxiety's been coming back intermittently since my mom had all those health scares a couple weeks ago. That’s why I haven’t been blogging.

I knew if I stayed home that night, I’d end up watching TV until my mind went numb, so I made a choice to fight my withdrawing impulse and go try something new: a meditation event at a nail salon.

When I got there, a woman opened the door for me and gestured down a hallway. It opened into a well-decorated, fully-outfitted nail salon. (Lots of purples--of course I would like like it!) A woman stood at a podium near the front entrance, sorting papers.

"Looks like nobody's coming," she said.

"Oh really?" I asked, "There were 7 RSVPs, weren't there? I can leave if you want to cancel."

"No, no," she said, "This is better. For you."

She uncoiled a white mat and tossed down some pillows. I started to sit perpendicular to her, like I would've if it were a larger group sitting in a circle.

"You can sit in front of me. It's just us," she said. I felt on display there, suddenly aware that I'm three times her weight, suddenly wishing I'd worn a shirt without spills on it. At the same time, I knew this was pretty cool. How many people have this experience of trusting a stranger enough to sit down with them and close your eyes?

She asked about my meditation experience and I told her I've been practicing Mindfulness Meditation and Secular Buddhism for about a year. I do a body scan meditation every night. But generally I'd still consider myself a newbie.

The type of meditation we did that night at the salon is called Frequency Meditation. I had done it before but my mind was still anxious and I didn’t make the connection. Frequency meditation relies on chakras and flows or blocks of energies. I don't believe in chakras, but I let myself be suggestible while I'm there, because I do believe in the power of the mind. If I visualize energy in my heart chakra for an hour, the act helps me cultivate love and compassion.

Lynn Le guided the meditation with the simple directions to, “Breathe, from your heart to your brain, and out through your mouth.” I tried, but I had a hard time visualizing that. As a singer, I regularly imagine my breath starting lower--more of a belly breath. When I imagined breathing into my heart, the breath felt limited and tight. Eventually I settled into my normal deep-breathing habits because I was more comfortable: deep belly breath, out through the nose. I continued to zone in on the phrase “from the heart to the brain,” though. Lynn Le held her hand out to use her vibrations to heal me.

We stayed like that for an hour, and then she asked if I felt anything. I answered honestly.

“I feel more relaxed. I feel connected to you. My breathing felt tight in the beginning, but now I breathe easily. My foot’s asleep.” I stretched my legs out in front of me. “It was hard to concentrate because my back hurt. I have a fractured vertebra, but I’m glad I made the effort.”

“Oh, really?” she asked.

“Well, the wing-shaped tip of a vertebra is fractured, not the whole thing. It’s an old injury, but it still hurts sometimes.”

She closed her eyes and said she would help me. We meditated again.

My back pain did get better. I think admitting out loud that I was hurting helped me adopt a more comfortable seating position, without trying to “look the part” of a meditator. But it could have been Lynn’s healing energy. Why not?

The most energizing part of the experience was the hour that followed. We talked about coping skills and depression. The lessons she gave were so beautiful and on-point, I had quite a few epiphany moments. I’m going to write these in list style so they’re easy to access and copy down for reference.

1. “Twirling water.” When someone causes conflict, you can respond, or you can collect yourself first. A quick comeback is like twirling your finger the opposite direction of spinning water. The water’s going to crash over the sides of the cup, make a mess, and leave you thirsty. However, if you wait until you are calm, the water will also calm.
   
   I experienced this when I got in an argument with my brother. Instead of saying the first angry things that came to mind, I vacuumed my living room rug. I meditated on how my environment is an extension of myself. Clean rug, clean mind. Then I sat down and did nothing for a while. The origins of my brother’s feelings became clearer, like taking a moment to breathe had made room for empathy. I responded to him thoughtfully. Later that night, he sent me an apology. If I had reacted with my initial anger, we might still be fighting.
   
2. “I don’t want to feel this feeling.” This lesson reminded me of Brene Brown’s work. Sometimes when we’re in a negative state, we try to get rid of it by numbing it or raging at nothing in particular. Since we can’t stop all negative things from happening, we get stuck in this dark pattern. It’s more productive to “sit with it,” feel what we’re feeling, and try to figure out where it comes from and what we can do about it.
   
   I keep re-learning that one. We can’t change everything else in the world, but we can change how we perceive it.
   
3. “Depression is an accumulation.” Every time we don’t resolve a feeling, we miss an opportunity to learn how to deal with difficulty. We might also develop a scar, a complex, an energy--whatever you want to call it, a hurt that can be triggered and hurt again.
   
   Lynn would describe this as a buildup of negative energies. When I told her I struggled with depression, she asked what caused it. After I told her what I thought caused it, she asked when that started. A lot of the triggers on my “Why I’m Depressed” list went back to when I was a child.
   
   I liked the way she saw things, with patience. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed, thinking that because I’ve struggled for so long, I always will. But it’s not about that. If something bad happened to me as a child, but I never think about it now, it’s probably resolved. It’s the thoughts that keep returning that tell me where the healing needs to happen.
   
4. “The present is still the most important time to heal.” Even though we can look at overwhelming negative states as hurt accumulated, it doesn’t do a lot of good to look back unless the present is calm. We’d just accumulate more.
   
   From what I understand, current therapies agree with this idea. “Tell me about your mother” therapy isn’t really practiced anymore. It’s better to build up coping skills and then look back from a stronger place.
   

So, that’s the story of how one Friday night went from boring and anxiety-filled to an enlightening, new experience. I met an awesome person. She takes care of others all day at her spa and teaches meditation on top of that. She wants to spread healing and joy to as many people as she can.

The days that followed have been up and down. It’s a process getting back on my feet after a period of stress. I do feel more equipped this time around. The waters are as muddy as ever, but I float on top like a lotus.

Three Months of Ukulele: A Retrospective

“Tomorrow, I’m going to play my ukulele.”

My dear friend, Robbie, sent me an Amazon gift card for my birthday. Around this time, I was reading The Art of Asking and listening to Amanda Palmer's Ukulele Anthem on a daily basis. These events collided into one of my best decisions ever: to take up ukulele-playing.

After three months of regular playing, I'm going to use some lyrics from “Ukulele Anthem” to share my experiences learning this instrument.

1. You can play the ukulele too; it is painfully simple. Truth. Have you seen a ukulele? They only have four strings and twelve frets (of which you pretty much use four). The impetus to learn any new skill is the satisfaction of getting something right. So use your left hand to press on some strings, and then you graze your right hand right there along where the body meets the neck. And suddenly you’re overcome with joy.

For me, ukulele has been all up and up. There’s no impossible parts to get stuck on (except the horrific E-chord). I think it’s pretty simple. If you take AFP's advice to limit yourself to three chords, it's even simpler.

2. It takes about an hour to teach someone to play the ukulele. In my first hour, I think I learned standard tuning, three chords (C, F, G), and a strumming pattern (down down up up down up). That's pretty much "taught." I think it was another ten hours before I could switch between the chords quickly, strum while switching between chords, or sing while playing. I'm sure it's much faster for anyone familiar with string instruments.

I'd say it took 18 hours total to master my first song. It was the F.U.N. Song from SpongeBob SquarePants. But quite a few of those hours were spent playing it over and over to myself to bask in my accomplishment. (Sorry, neighbors.) (I mean, you're welcome.) It should also be noted that I taught myself using YouTube videos and the process might be faster with an in-person teacher. But less fun, because you'll probably have to learn Three Blind Mice.

3. You can play the ukulele, too, in London and down under. A soprano ukulele weighs 8-12 ounces. Ounces. That's the measurement pet foster parents use to measure newborn kittens. So, yeah, it's pretty portable. You read “portable” as “adorable” for a second, didn't you? I bring it to meetups and family dinners. Yes, I’ve performed in front of other humans and lived to tell the tales!

4. They're only $19.95. Yeah, especially the ones made for tourists in Hawaii or children. Mine was $29. [Edit: It's since gone up to $39.28.] The quality isn't 100% at the low end, but that doesn't matter if you're using it to sing and scream, right? It's just for fun and expression, so the less perfect, the better. “Flaws” include strings that rattle and a less rich tone.

5. Your fingers suffer. But it hurts so good. The other day it hurt all the muscles and joints of my left index finger to squeeze a spray bottle. I was like, "Sweet, I'm a real musician now." I experienced a similar pride when I developed calluses. They don't hurt, they just feel like when you dip your fingers in Elmer's glue and let it dry. I also have a scar on my right forearm from where the strings attach to the body of the ukulele. They're kinda pokey. I suspect that scar is a badge you don't get to wear if you play a higher end instrument.

6. You'll minimize some stranger's sadness with a piece of wood and plastic. The biggest surprise of this experience has been people's reactions to just the statement, "I play the ukulele." Their eyes widen, they lean forward a little. Apparently, "I play the ukulele" is welcome news. I also noticed that it's less awkward to share than singing. If you just sing to someone without an instrument in hand, they're like, "ew, weird, intimate." Put some chords behind your voice and they're all smiles.

7. Holy fuck, it's so fantastic, playing ukulele. Yes, yes yes yes! The joy I experience from ukulele ranges from a sense of accomplishment when I learn a new song, to a sense of connection when I share with others, and even, on a depressed day, to the meditative comfort of having one earphone in listening to Skeleton by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs while I fingerpicked along to it. And that's all I did that day, all day. And it felt whole, like not a second of that day was wasted.

Now, if you're familiar with the Ukulele Anthem, you might be thinking, "Hey Sarah, aren't you taking this a little too literally?" To which I reply, "Yes. And it's working."

Fat Girl at Dunkin Donuts: An Intuitive Eating Perspective

"Tomorrow, I'm going to enjoy play food for what it is."

A couple weeks ago, I saw an event posting for the opening of a new Dunkin Donuts franchise. I'm always on the lookout for fun, local, social activities, so I RSVP'd yes!

And then I had to deal with these thoughts:

People are going to make fun of me for being fat.

People are going to think I'm fat because I ate too many donuts.

People are going to think I don't care about healthy eating.

People are gonna take pictures of me and make fun of them.

I better dress up so at least they don't think I'm lazy.

I'm grateful that at least now my negative thoughts about my size are mostly about how I'm perceived by others. It sucks, but at least it's better than actually believing those things about myself, that I'm unhealthy or lazy or unworthy of belonging because of my size.

Well, no one in line made judgmental glances. No one made negative comments. Actually, I chatted the whole time with two women in line about normal-people things (any-size-people things) like weather, traffic, careers, places we've lived, pets, and of course, which flavor of donut we wanted to try. And I realized something, no one goes to a donut shop opening unless they appreciate play food.

What is play food? According to Intuitive Eating, it's food that has little nutritional value, but is enjoyable to eat. It is morally neutral, meaning it's not good or evil. It's not even "healthy" or "unhealthy." The idea is that once you're tuned in with your body's cues to hunger, fullness, and energy, you'll naturally eat the types and amounts of food that are best for you.

I was content with my one donut and small hot chocolate, genuinely content, because I knew I could choose to eat a second or a dozen without internal shame. It did feel playful, fun, indulgent in a good way. I wasn't thinking about how to burn off those calories later. It was pure gratitude:

These flavors, textures, and smells are pleasant.

Active businesses are great for our city.

I could be friends with these women I met in line.

It's fun how many people came out for this. I'm glad I'm a part of it.

I am good enough to be a part of whatever I want to be a part of.

Part of me knows it was luck that there weren't any bullies out that day. Or well-meaning "fitness" advocates. I also know that happiness comes from within. I hope I can build up enough self-love and gratitude to stop fearing the disapproving glance once and for all.

~

I'm not affiliated with Dunkin Donuts. It just happened to be the perfect setting for this message so I didn't bother changing the name.

To read more about Intuitive Eating, check out the book by Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch (Amazon Affiliate link).

Today's curated art prints are "Fruity Donuts" and "Donuts in Balloons" by Ivy Niu. There are 41 pages of donut-related prints on society6, if you can believe it. Ivy Niu's stood out to me as charming, imaginative, and meaningful. They make me smile.

Big Girls Don't Cry: How to Comfort a Crying Friend

"Tomorrow, my friend won't cry."

I'm for living in the moment as much as possible, and I've found that one way to do that is to imagine a future time when your problems don't exist. It's not a goal. It's not pretend. It's acceptance: This thing that sucks right now, it's okay. It's just for now.

Art Prints curated from Society6

One way I've applied this philosophy is in working with toddlers. There's a trick that helps when they're being naughty where you say, "That's okay. When you're 4 you won't color on the walls anymore." Often, the child's desire to be 4 is enough to get them to stop coloring on the walls.

I immediately thought of that when I cried on the phone to Katie yesterday and she said, "That's okay. It's okay to be scared today. Tomorrow, you'll wake up and you'll feel totally refreshed." I had gotten calls from three separate student loan lenders in a row, and by the third call, I threw up my hands and huffed at them to just email me. (It’s very awkward to attempt politeness while huffing, btw.)

I stayed at a high anxiety level all day. I got stuck in Studio City because every time I tried to drive, I'd start crying again. But I had Katie's promise in my head, "Tomorrow's a new day."

I felt great when I woke up this morning, and I attribute it largely to the power of suggestion.

How to Do It Wrong:

1. Apply an unrealistic or shaming timeline for the scope of the problem.

For Toddler: "Big girls pee in the potty. I guess you're still a baby." It’s essentially the same thing as my earlier example, but the language of it is more like, “You should be better RIGHT NOW, you loser.”

For Friend: “Don’t worry, your crippling depression will be all gone in the morning.”

2. Throw cliches at them without addressing the problem.

Calls that it was time to pay back student loans upset me enough to make me cry partly because I had a horrible college experience. Other friends I talked to jumped right to the “Let it go. It’s part of who you are” sayings, and it just made me hate myself. Katie was like, “Yeah, that’s gonna suck to have that reminder every month, but it’s not forever.” Then she gave me advice about loan consolidation. THEN she said the bit about “Tomorrow’s a new day,” when I was ready to hear it.

I don’t cry often. I definitely don’t cry to friends often. But I’m glad I did, because I do feel better. I intend to pay it forward. Much sooner than I'll pay off my student loans.

Dinner Party Guests: A Brand-Finding Exercise

"Tomorrow, I'm going to figure out who I would invite to a dinner party, and which aspects of that party define my personal brand."

Apparently it's an outdoor dinner party that includes a discussion on worthiness, playing with action figures, a concert, and trip to New York.

My goal this month is to complete 30 branding, marketing, or web design projects. It could have been too abstract of a goal, but I already have a list of 17 branding exercises from the Braid Creative e-book, Being Boss podcast, and AndKathleen.com, which all have Kathleen Shannon in common, so thank you for being so awesome, Kathleen Shannon!

These are my notes from Kathleen's explanation of the exercise in the Being Boss episode on branding: 

What aspects of your guest's personalities attract people?

What aspects of your guest's personalities seal the deal? 

Example: Brené Brown (who was going to be on my list anyway, so that works out!)

Inspire + Attract           ---          Reassure + Deliver

Authenticity                                  Methodology

Humor                                           Research

Performance                                 Organization

 

This exercise reminds me of that saying, "You are the sum of the five people you spend the most time with." Except, of course, in this case you're the sum of five people you admire. 

After I put my name in the 'sum' box, I felt a twinge of anxiety. Am I really asserting that I'm all these things? People are gonna think I'm full of myself. Here's the thing: I'll never present all these qualities all the time. That would make me perfect. But this is what I value, what I believe makes a "good" person, and what I do my best to put out in the world. 

My next exercise: The 'Love it or Hate it' List. Stay Tuned!

I, (Sarah), am a Braid affiliate – that means when you use the links in my post I get a commission on all referred sales. That said, I fully believe in The Braid Method as I hope is obvious in this post.

Braid Creative eCourse

Image Sources

Brené Brown: http://jeffgissing.com/2013/08/13/three-lessons-from-brene-brown-at-leadership-summit/

Regina Spektor:© Mark Humphrey/AP/Press Association Images

Dana Scully: http://www.snakkle.com/galleries/before-they-were-stars-now-and-then-tv-most-famous-hairdo/gillian-anderson-gc/
Tim Gunn: © Noel Vasquez/Getty Images
Lauren Faust: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lauren_Faust#/media/File:LaurenFaustSPFF.png
Dinner Party: http://style-files.com/2010/05/18/outdoor-dinner-party/

A Bath of Ice Water: Committing to My Dream Day

"Tomorrow, I'm going to use my Dream Day as a schedule template."

At this month's Live Your Legend Local (LYLL) meeting, I brought up the concept of the Dream Day. I'd heard about how your Dream Day is part of your personal brand on the Being Boss podcast.* The exercise is to describe what your ideal day looks like, from the time you wake up to the time you wrap your wings around you as you hang upside down from a cave overhead. Or put your head on a pillow...however you sleep. 

I found it surprisingly difficult to answer:

What would my Dream Day look like?

So I rephrased the question:

What daily habits would help me accomplish my long-term goals?

What daily habits would help keep me healthy and active?

What daily habits would bring the most meaning and art to my life?

I made a calendar called 'Dream Day' to help me visualize it. 

(WIP. Definitely need a better word than "Grooming.")

My daily life now looks nothing like my Dream Day. It looks more like this:

How to Make the Dream Day Real

Jim's Idea: Jim, another LYLL participant, likened a major change like this to taking a bath in ice water. If you just stick your toe in, the chill might shoot you back and you'll never come near the stuff again. Better to commit to all of it. It's frikkin cold at first, but then you're in and it actually starts to feel warm.

Lorraine's Idea: The marathon method. Commit to one small change until you've mastered it. Repeat. She got into a solid routine for herself this way.

Before I could pick a method, I had to address a very important point everyone in the group touched on:

There's nothing wrong with my habits now.

I've never maintained a schedule like my Dream Day calendar's. However, I have met all the goals I've set for myself lately. So it looks like having a strict schedule is not essential to my success. I do the best I can with the resources available to me at any moment, so I can't assume MORE and BETTER will suddenly appear because an alarm clock goes off.

It's likely that the Dream Day, at least in schedule format, is an over-correction, forcing someone else's definition of 'a day well spent' onto myself.

But here's what I want:

1. To get sick less frequently

2. To have more energy

3. To produce more creative content

4. To find my tribe and build community

Based on what I know about metabolism science and the immune system, (which is admittedly minimal), 1. and 2. will improve with regulated sleep and eating, so:

I just gotta try it.

I'm gonna commit fully to the routine, like submerging in an ice bath, but get there by moving my schedule up one hour a day. The point is to have more energy so it doesn't make sense to wake up 4 hours earlier all of a sudden.

I'll also allow for a lot of self-forgiveness if the transition is bumpy.

*The Being Boss Podcast hosts literally only mentioned Dream Day + Branding and I ran with it. I'm not sure how they definite it or approach the topic with their clients. Maybe I'll message them to find out.